Without looking up or down, just facing forward──. Taking the commander’s words as a lesson, Kouta Tokiwa, who reached the time to soar, found a new dream beyond the open horizon.
In his first professional season last year, the day after the opening match, he received these words from Coach Rikizo MATSUHASHI.
"Don't overestimate yourself, and don't underestimate yourself. You have to evaluate yourself appropriately. If you overestimate yourself and become impatient, you suffer from the large gap between where you are now and where you think you should be. Conversely, it’s meaningless to underestimate yourself and look down on your abilities when you actually have potential. In other words, objectively evaluate yourself correctly and discern what you can and cannot do."
With those words in mind, he spent each day diligently. Volunteering to participate in morning practice and extra training to get game time, he devoted a lot of time to basic drills like controlling and kicking, steadily increasing what he could do. Even so, he only managed to step onto the pitch in seven Meiji Yasuda J1 League matches. During this off-season, Tokiwa faced himself and adopted an unwavering determination.
"I thought that if I couldn't perform well this season, it would be the end of my career as a soccer player, so I felt like I had no margin left. I approached the camp with the mindset that this season was a decisive year, my last chance. To express that determination, I increased the amount of training and running during the off-season."
His expression was different from the very first day the team started activities. However, it was not a face filled with despair. Tokiwа said, "Every day’s practice is like an official match," and gave his all daily. By the time the Okinawa Itoman camp began, a sense of fulfillment started to show on his face.
"I didn’t drastically change anything. The determination was always in my mind, but I also wanted to remember to enjoy playing soccer. I didn’t get so caught up in what was right in front of me that I lost sight of my surroundings. The pure joy of loving soccer and my determination matched well together."
There were three practice matches scheduled during the camp. With fiery determination, he approached them saying, "This is the decisive battle to overturn things." From the first external match of the season against Nagoya Grampus, he showed signs of difference and growth.
"I felt a sense of accomplishment in practice, but being able to do it only in practice means nothing. During the camp, I just wanted to play matches as soon as possible. That’s how good the feeling in practice was, and I was excited to see how much of that I could bring out in the games. However, my position in the practice matches at first was not much different from last season. I thought I understood how others evaluated me, and I also understood that if I didn’t do something in the three camp matches, it would be difficult to start in the opening lineup."
It was just after the mid-camp match against Sanfrecce Hiroshima. With a confident expression, Tokiwa spoke joyfully.
“Previously, the places where I received the ball were poor, and I would fluster after receiving it. Through self-training, I was able to find spots where I wouldn’t lose the ball and where to place it. I also gradually understood where to position myself in relation to the opponent’s distance.”
And he must have grasped something. "Suddenly, my vision just opened up." Saying this, he beamed with a broad smile. In the final day of the camp against Vissel Kobe, he finally joined the main squad and became a key player in creating scoring opportunities, giving his all before returning to Tokyo.
"I was able to fully express the good feelings and strengths I had grasped within myself, and I had enough confidence to think that if I wasn't chosen as a starter after that, it couldn't be helped. Being able to demonstrate that against high-level opponents gave me confidence."
Heaven helps those who help themselves.
The days spent building up at Kodaira Ground do not lie. In the opening match of the Meiji Yasuda J1 Century Vision League against Kashima Antlers, Tokiwa was named in the starting lineup.
“They are last season’s champions and have been leading the J.League, so I was able to face Kashima with a bold mindset. I don’t think anyone imagined I would start in the opening lineup. I truly had nothing to lose, so there were no negative thoughts or anything like that—I was just excited. I also had a firm confidence that I could do it. However, since I had hardly ever started a match personally, there was an unknown element about how far I could compete and how much of my play I could show. I thought that if we could beat Kashima here, the team would gain momentum, so I really focused only on positive thoughts while playing. Since the opponent had a player sent off early in the game, I think it’s difficult to evaluate, but I believe I was able to gain a sense of accomplishment and confidence within that context.”
He played for 77 minutes against the previous season's champions, and the team also secured a victory in the penalty shootout, marking a strong start. From here, Tokiwа and the Blue-Red's rapid advance began.
“I don’t consider myself an absolute player, nor is a starting spot guaranteed every match. It truly feels like a survival battle every single game to see if I can make it through. There hasn’t been a single week where I could let my guard down. However, with each match I played, I gained a sense of accomplishment and also discovered challenges. A cycle formed around how to tackle those challenges. Every match offered hints for growth, and there were moments when the results of my training efforts showed, which boosted my confidence even more. It was a continuous cycle.”
In this season's special tournament, he has continued to appear in all 11 matches so far, continuously cycling through his growth process. The hints and challenges he picked up have become his lifeblood.
In Sec. 3 against Kawasaki Frontale, he was unable to take the ball from his matchup, Wakisaka. Realizing that even his confident defense had room for improvement, he couldn't help but smile.
"Personally, it was also about the tactics and the ability to cancel at the moment I thought I could take the ball away, or rather, my opponent changed their decision. I realized I can still improve my defense, that I’m lacking, and that I have to work harder."
In Sec. 4 against Kashiwa Reysol, we lost 0-2, and I bit my lip.
"I had gained confidence that by adding myself to the build-up we had been developing since last season, we could achieve greater stability in our play, but against Kashiwa, I personally wasn’t allowed to do anything offensively."
Tokiwa said, "But honestly, I was happy about that," and revealed the following.
"After the match, a player from Kashiwa told me, 'Your name even came up in our meeting,' and I realized that the opposing team had finally started to prepare against me. When they countered me and nullified my strengths, I felt a new potential for growth in wondering what to do next. Of course, I was frustrated and felt the need to do more, but I believed that if I could improve, I could reach an even higher level. It was a match that made me feel that way."
On the Kodaira pitch, where there are neither victories nor defeats, he has continued to face solitary training. That is why everything gained from matches becomes nourishment for growth and transforms into joy.
It is precisely because of the unrelenting days that he says he feels "excited" every time he steps onto the pitch. That is the result of continuous effort carried on since last season.
"There's no point in feeling anxious before a match. I believe that getting nervous or losing confidence in myself comes from not having confidence in the progress I've made so far. I still have a long way to go, but I've done what I can. I always give 100 percent in practice, and if that's not enough, then I'll just practice more. I think about how much I've grown this week and what I've grasped from this one match, and I want to test that again."
By participating in matches, a sense of responsibility and awareness of wearing the blue and red has also taken root.
"If you don't have the mindset that everything is your responsibility when you lose, you shouldn't step onto that pitch. When the team does well, it's thanks to everyone; when we lose, I have come to think it's because I wasn't enough. In the match against Tokyo Verdy, the frustration of not being able to start was less than the frustration of FC Tokyo losing to Verdy. I believe I can direct all the arrows at myself and still influence the team."
Originally, Tokiwа was not a player blessed with innate talent. Even so, he has always faced himself, steadily building up what he lacked and growing. He expresses his gratitude to the coaches from his academy days who supported him in this way through these words.
"Even when I look back at myself in junior high and high school, I don’t know if I felt any potential as a player. I’m sure I wasn’t the kind of player who made people think, ‘This guy looks like he’s going to improve.’ It’s precisely because I’ve fought using everything I had, including my brain, that I am where I am now. I’m grateful to FC Tokyo for recognizing that side of me and for facing me head-on and nurturing me both in U-15 Fukagawa and U-18. I want to show the academy players that even a player like me can compete in the J1 League. That will be my way of repaying the coaches who taught me, and it will also serve as an episode proving that even with my physical abilities, it’s possible to achieve results as a professional. That’s why I want to perform even better. If I manage to reach overseas or the Japan national team, I think the academy coaches will say, ‘If Tokiwa could make it, anyone can if they work hard.’ I believe that continuously producing results and reaching a high level is the best way to express my gratitude."
Neither looking up nor down, just facing forward──. The opened-up view also changed the height.
The elevated perspective showed Tokiwа a new scenery.
“I think having vague dreams or extremely big goals is also a good thing. But I have looked at things realistically and lived while looking a little ahead. Last season, my goal was to get playing time. Now that I am playing, if I think about a slightly further goal, it might be to go overseas or join the Japan national team. Over the past year, my view of that has completely changed, and I now see it as a realistic goal. To make it more personal, I have no choice but to level up. While always keeping that in mind, the players who can lead their teams to victory are the most highly valued in this world. I want to become a player who is said, ‘If this guy is there, the team can win,’ or ‘If Tokiwа is playing for FC Tokyo, we can win.’ I want to lead Tokyo to a championship and become a player who can bear all the responsibility.”
Weaving careful days and discovering a new goal──. The words conveyed by Coach Matsuhashi that day have become a compass for Tokiwa to survive in this world. Even though the scenery he sees has changed, he always reminds himself of that phrase.
"Neither overestimate nor underestimate yourself"
(Honorifics omitted in the text)
Text by Tadashi BABA (Freelance Writer)
